It Is Not A Goodbye
by believesvueo
Summary: It's a Girls Night Out. Emily tells JJ and Penelope that she is leaving the BAU.


It Is Not A Goodbye

"_Drawing a circle around a straight line, I want to choose one. I wanna make time, my heavy heart. Unpacking boxes lighter things. Down at the bottom all the things I forgot, my heavy heart."_

It's a Girls Might Out tonight. They had just finished a case and the girls decided they will have their Girls night out the day after tomorrow. They wanted to rest after being away from a case for five days. Emily suggested they come over to her place instead of going to a bar. She said she will take care of the drinks and JJ and Penelope can bring a dish each. Emily prepared hors d'oeuvres.

By the time Penelope and JJ arrived, Emily was just pulling out the mushroom and quiche on top requested by Penelope and mixture of bruschetta, canapés and crostini, JJ's favorites. Since she lived in Italy and spent a lot of time with the staff, she always made it appoint to watch their cook Antonio make lunch or dinner. She loved spending time with Antonio because he would tell her stories and tell her secrets to making delicious Italian food especially the hors d' appetizers as the Americans would call it.

Both Penelope and JJ had a key to her house so they never bother to ring her doorbell. As soon as they saw the hors d'oeuvres Emily was carrying, they put their dishes down and each took a piece of the hors d'oeuvres..

"You, I would slap both your hands if I wasn't carrying these trays."

"You know how much we love your cooking, Em."

Penelope brought lobster ravioli and JJ brought baked salmon.

Penelope and JJ sat down while Emily took a bottle of wine out of her little wine cellar.

They sat down and talked about anything and everything. Penelope suggested they go shopping and a spa day next time they have the weekend off. The all agreed that they were due for a spa.

There were no talks about work at all.

After dinner, Penelope was putting the dishes in the dishwashing machine, while JJ wipes the table and Emily took the rest of the hors d' the chocolate cake she made, on the table in the living room. She went to the cellar again and took another bottle of wine.

JJ then started talking about Henry and Will. Since she has been back on the team, she and Will have been arguing frequently about her hours. She feels guilty because of the little time she spends with their son Henry who is turning 5 soon. Emily can hear the sadness in JJ's voice and can feel how conflicted JJ feels about her family and work. JJ talking about the problems she is going through balancing her home and her job made Emily feel bad about what she was about to tell her two best friends.

As she joined her friends on the sofa, JJ and Penelope noticed how quiet Emily had gotten.

"Gumdrop, is everything okay?"

"What? Oh yeah."

"Em."

"You know I love you both right?"

"Yes. Em, please don't tell us you're leaving."

Her silence was all the answer JJ and Penelope needed.

"Gumdrop, why? Did something happen?"

"You know after what happened with Doyle, things have not been the same. I have been doing a lot of thinking. Please know that I tried so hard to get rid of these feelings but you know, the nightmares and the dead bodies and studying serial killers day in and day out, I just could no longer compartmentalize."

"You don't have to leave, Em. You can just take some time off."

"I could do that JJ but it will all come back again. I never told you guys this because a lot of the stuff I did with the CIA and Interpol are classified. You know about Doyle and for me he was the worst assignment because I had to get personally involved but there were others, though I was not emotionally involved, I saw bodies dropped in front of me And I have killed many also. This isn't in my FBI file, but I was recruited by the CIA right out of college. I was 20 when I graduated. Yeah, Spencer is a genius but I graduated from high school at the age of 16. I speak 5 different languages fluently and another 5 semi fluently. I was an asset. I was so young and wide eyed about being a CIA agent. I went through the training and within 6 months, I got my first assignment. And it wasn't long after that, I had my first kill. I was an emotional wreck but I was always very good at compartmentalizing. When you are the Ambassador's child, you learn to be. Moving from one place to another, most people would think that's exciting but for me at that time, it was hell. When I was 15, I got pregnant. Remember a few years ago, Matthew and the priest case we worked on? Matthew wasn't the father, but John Cooley was. I was so scared and didn't know what to do. Matthew took me to a clinic and I got an abortion. I never got over that. I thought I did but you know, some of my nightmares aren't about Doyle, sometimes, it was about that day in the small clinic in Rome. Other times, the people I killed. The others, were the bodies that died in front of me. And sometimes, it was you, Penelope. And you, JJ. Each one of you, I have seen die in my nightmare and I was not able to save you. Pen, JJ, I have been doing this for almost 20 years. I have dedicated half of my life to this job and I just can't anymore. I love you both, please know that. But I want to be the person that I truly am and I want to live my life."

She tried to stop herself from crying but once a tear dropped, she couldn't stop the flow. Both Penelope and JJ came to her and they hugged.

All three were crying uncontrollably.

For the first time, they just let themselves cry.

"Oh, Em you know we just want you to be happy. And if it means leaving the team, I will accept. I love you and you too are my best friend. And you're not leaving the country right?"

"No, I'm staying right here in DC."

"When is your last day, Em?"

"Two weeks. Then, I'm transferring to Foreign Affairs."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Hotch knows. He was the first one I talked to."

"So how do you plan to break it to the other boys?"

"Reid, I'm going to ask him to one of those French or Russian films that's playing in downtown."

"Rossi, is easy. I can just go in his office and tell him there."

"As for Morgan, I will tell him tomorrow when I go house hunting."

"House hunting, Em. What? Is there something else you haven't told us?"

"I've decided that if I needed to move on then the first thing I need to do is look for a place. I'm going to buy a house with three or four bedrooms."

"Three or four bedrooms, gumdrop?"

I am a trust fund child. Another reason, why I am buying a house with that many bedrooms is because Declan will be staying with me when Tom is out of the country on assignment. I need to have a room for him.".

Penelope and JJ both raised their eyebrows. They know there's more to this than Emily is telling them."

"Gumdrop, spill. Who is the man that you have been keeping from us? We know that Declan isn't the only reason because you only need one room for him."

She heard her phone and she knew who was calling. She had an assigned ringtone for him.

"Let me answer that first."

"Oh my God, you have an assigned ringtone for him. This is serious."

She laughed and walked over to where her phone was.

"_Hello."_

"_Yeah. Pen and JJ are here."_

"_Okay. Let me talk to him."_

"_Hi sweetie. I missed you too. I will see you tomorrow. I love you, too. Goodnight, Jack."_

She giggled and looked at Penelope and JJ, mouths agape.

"_Yeah, I have a feeling they know. Goodnight. I love you."_

"Oh my God, Emily Elizabeth Prentiss. You and the bossman? How long?"

"You are so not avoiding this."

Emily laughed. She knew that the secret is about her and Aaron.

**THE END**

_Reviews are always welcome and appreciated._


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